I've never been a fan of parenting books, but I see the need to learn from the experience and wisdom of others. The subtitle "A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character" captures the best aspect of the book: set a noble goal for your sons and then strive to help them get there. There are many parts of the book that are helpful. But on the whole it didn't add up to a model that I followed or would recommend.
First, some good points. "Honoring Your Father" (ch 4) gives great foundational advice. You have to forgive and learn from your father's faults and then be grateful for all he did give you. Don't get stuck in a past of bitterness and ignorance. "Five Shifts" (ch 5) has some well-worded and insightful perspectives on being a mature man. "Being Good at Being a Man" (ch 10) presents a five step process for giving your son confidence by gaining competence in new skills. Those five steps are a memorable and inspiring (and maybe the best part of the book.)
But now for the other stuff. I didn't like the idea of self-made ceremonies of initiation and graduation (ch 5 and 15), especially ones that mimicked Christian baptism. Instead, help your son go through traditional, objective ceremonies like being baptized into the church, achieving milestones in school or the arts, competing in sports, or being a good citizen. Show him how to function in the greater society into which he was born.
In "Five Kinds of Fathers" (ch 2), the first three are obvious failures that we should all avoid. But I'd rather be the fourth father, "the involved father", than what was held up as the next-level fifth father, "the intentional father". What is lacking in the fourth father is some type of personally customized understanding and vision and plan for each son. And this is the heart of the book - that being a good father, an intentional father, requires this highly personalized involvement, a customized two or three times per week discipleship program, shared pilgrimages, self-made ceremonies. There can be good in this, but it's not the heart of being a good father.
Taking personality tests (ch 12) might have some use, but I'd rather have my son know the character of the Lord Jesus than his Myers-Brigs type. Being there for important moments (ch 9) is great, but sometimes not being there and celebrating afterwards (because your son knows you are earning money to make the moment even happen) may have a greater impact. The recommendation for a gap year (ch 14) struck me as quite odd for general advice.
In contrast to the theme of the book - creating and working through a personalized discipleship program for each son - I believe the most important things about being a father are not intentionally about fathering at all. As an adult I look back and see my own father taught me three things: to love God, to love my wife and to work hard. I saw him do exactly that, and I want to be like him. I think that's a good father. He brought me into the world and then provided for me. He brought me to church and showed me an example of real Christian faith, a sinner saved by grace. He loved my mother (60 years and counting) which created a home where I could grow. And he left me for hours and sometimes weeks at a time to go earn money in the world, but he always came back and shared generously what he had earned. Thank you, Lord, for my dad.
Given that bedrock of fatherhood, I think there's lots of good advice you can glean from Jon Tyson. But I don't think The Intentional Father captures my own vision of fatherhood.
