The Neglected Qualification

The Neglected Qualification is a book by Douglas Wilson about the Biblical requirement, found in Titus 1:6, that pastors/elders have children who are believers. The parallel passage in 1 Timothy 3 doesn't have this particular requirement, but repeats the general principle that a man is only qualified to lead the family of God if he has demonstrated that he can lead his own family. There is much wisdom and sound reasoning in the book, but I disagree with the main point to which it seems the book drives.

I want to list the ways in which the book is wise and helpful before addressing my disagreement and offering a counter proposal.

The qualification of the state of the pastor/elder's family, both wife and children, should surely not be neglected. "When we are looking at a man's family, we are looking for what we want to see duplicated - for Paul tells us that it will be duplicated" (p30).

The wise elder will leave the 99 of the congregation to pursue the one wandering sheep in his family.  In doing so, he is not only not disqualified, but is actually demonstrating the qualities of Jesus (p13). We should not embitter our kids by having any and every problem in the church outrank their problems (p42).

Wilson offers procedural wisdom, saying we "should let the simple requirement drive the majority of your cases, and deal with your exceptional cases as they arise" (p20). And that when an elder has a difficult situation, "in such tangles those most closely involved should not be judges in their own cases" (p9).

Wilson makes a helpful distinction between selecting a new elder and retaining an existing elder. "Before he is in office, views about his family are a judgment call. After he is in office, they are a charge" (p35). This allows members to go with their gut on installation, but it protects the elder and his family from unreasonable scrutiny. The analogy of picking a wife vs. remaining married to that wife is apropos (p34). This distinction best fits the presbyterian model (elder for life), but can be applied to a congregational model with terms. The elder resuming another term after a required hiatus is largely continuing his role as elder.

But all of this is preamble to his central recommendation for church governance at the end of chapter 8, "If a natural child of an elder or minister, having grown up in his father's house, is lawfully excommunicated by the church, the resignation of his father will be required at that same time" (p47, also stated similarly on p9). 

First, let me clarify two minor things in this recommendation. I don't like the distinction between the natural child and the adopted child or step child. Adopted children often struggle with the profound loss of their birth parents and their sense of identity, and step children have been scarred by a death or divorce they didn't cause. These extenuating circumstances must be considered. But there are also extenuating circumstances for natural born children that must also be considered, and making this distinction between types of children doesn't help with that.

Also, "lawfully excommunicated by the church" implies a formal proceeding in a local church in which child and father participate. But Wilson later clarifies, "If we adopt the policy I am suggesting in the larger church - that of asking elders and ministers to step down if their children are excommunicate (or the moral equivalent)..." (p55). So any unbelieving or grossly sinning child, regardless of church membership or proceeding, is in the equivalent state. I don't believe Wilson intends that the child be present in the local church where his or her father is serving in order to apply this rule.

Overlooking those points, how do I disagree with this recommendation without also "neglecting the qualification"?

First, Wilson's recommendation does not capture his distinction between making someone an elder and retaining that man as an elder. He only addresses retaining the elder.

Second, Wilson's recommendation doesn't state that when a child is known to be unbelieving the office of the father must be reevaluated by a qualified board. It simply says the resignation is required, and it is discussed elsewhere that discretion might be applied to override this requirement.

Third, Wilson argues that "children" must equally apply to young children in the house and to grown children out of the house or capable of being out of the house because young children cannot be accused of debauchery and rebellion (p44). No, two year-olds cannot. But 16 year-olds can. And a 22 year-old who went to college as a credibly professing believer, but fell under the influence of secular philosophy and atheistic science, is in some sense a rebellious child, but he or she is also a responsible adult. This all too common and tragic situation should never be neglected. It may reflect a flaw in the father's training or ongoing care. It should be considered, especially for a new elder, and even in the case of retaining a current elder, but I don't see how this recommendation captures any of that wisdom. Wilson says Eli's and David's sons should be regarded as responsible adults (p24), but his culminating recommendation doesn't incorporate that.

Finally, Wilson persuasively argues that Titus 1 is patterned after Deuteronomy 21. Execution of a disobedient son in Israel and excommunication of a disobedient child in the church are similar. Both Israelite and Christian parents are called to train their children to know the Lord and children are to obey their parents and follow their model of faith. Wilson says, "This is for all of us. But since we are supposed to learn the harvest of all Christian living from those who are given spiritual responsibility for us, it makes sense that Paul would begin by requiring this of church officers" (p54). The elder is required to have a complete harvest among all his children, without exception, into adulthood. If the father raises 10 children to know the Lord, all entering adulthood with credible professions of faith, and then one marries and later divorces and is unrepentant, I do not see how an expectation of covenantal harvest extends to an automatic resignation of the father from his elder/pastoral work. Surely he should not neglect the qualification. He should pursue his adult son. He should take the case to his fellow elders to see if he should step down for a season or forever. But Wilson is arguing for something more strict and automatic.

And so, now it comes to what really matters. Wilson should be commended for offering a recommendation, and if all I do is tear it down, I'm not building up the church. So I humbly offer my own recommendation to address the Neglected Qualification, much of it based on Wilson's own teaching: 

If a new elder candidate has an unbelieving child in his home, the church should presume he does not meet the Titus 1:6 qualification unless proven differently. If any elder, new or existing, has an unbelieving child of any age and living situation, he should humbly submit himself and his situation to the judgment of the other elders, they should consider what has been revealed about the spiritual maturity and reputation of that elder, and whether he remains in office or not he should pursue his child with a greater urgency than his work for the congregation.

Why I Celebrate Halloween

October 31st is right around the corner, and this is my first Halloween with an empty nest. But I'm still planning to carve a pumpkin and be ready for trick-or-treaters to come knocking. 

I realize many other Christians with whom I share much in common feel compelled to not celebrate for a variety of reasons, so I thought I'd offer a few reasons why the party will still be happening at our place.

First, for over twenty years Halloween was a fun event to celebrate with our kids: the costumes, the candy, the pumpkin carving, sometimes just as a family and sometimes with friends. Second only to opening presents on Christmas morning, this is a kids-centric event. Go have fun!

Second, Halloween is one of the only events that brings out the neighborhood. I don't want to miss the little ones coming to my door, saying hello to the young parents and cheering them on. We want to be the generous neighbors, not the dark-door neighbors, so we give out the big candy bars.

But what about all the witches and ghouls and Freddy Kruegers and all the over the top stuff? Well, you don't have to dress or decorate that way yourself. This is a 1 Corinthians 5:9-10 moment. It's a ready opportunity to show kindness to your neighbor, thinking more of him than of yourself.

Finally, however grisly and gruesome the world tries to make Halloween, it turns out that God has the last laugh, as he always does (Psalm 2:4). The origin of Halloween is thoroughly Christian which is captured in the original name All Hallows Eve, or the Eve of All Saints Day. The European tradition of dressing up as ridiculous devils on that day was to taunt and tease the Accuser of the Brethren on the day before celebrating the life and witness of those Brethren. In Christ the devil has no power over us, and in God's plan his doom is sure.

Martin Luther, who nailed his 95 Theses to the church door at Wittenburg on Halloween in 1517, thought that we should ridicule the devil, even breaking wind to send him running. I think I'll send him running with a jumbo Snickers given in the name of Christ.

Finally, for any parent out there who abstains from Halloween because the candy is not healthy, I think two and a half years of Covid should give us pause on how well our modern scientific culture actually understands health. I'm all for more vegetables and less sweets, but that Snickers bar, with all its fat and sugar, still fits squarely into the author's intended meaning in 1 Timothy 4:4, created by God, good, and to be received with thanksgiving. Especially on Halloween.

Questions on marriage, dating and relationships

It's Q&A with the high school youth group tonight! We got a few anonymous questions ahead of time, so I've tried to prepare some good answers. It's quite the privilege to be asked. I'm answering these from a guy's perspective, but the answers are general.

What do you enjoy about marriage most?

Most: A companion to talk with. Genesis 2:18.

Runners up: having children, dancing, sex, cooking and cleaning for me, teaching me to love classical music and Jane Austen, singing hymns together, watching sunsets, watching TV, the list goes on.

What was the biggest struggle in marriage you have had to overcome? And how did you?

Conflict avoidance and lack of empathy - personality traits imprinted from my youth, and empowered by selfishness. Very hard to overcome. I have never loved anyone as much as my wife, and I've never treated anyone as awfully as my wife. That's a hard reckoning. 1 Timothy 1:15.

What is the biggest threat to a healthy relationship and marriage?

The big answer is sin, which means as you learn to follow the Lord more in repentance and faith, your relationships benefit. The more specific answer is selfishness. Learn to care about others more than yourself: you will not find joy by seeking your own pleasure. Philippians 2:4.

What is an important skill to have in marriage?

Listen and understand. 1 Peter 3:7.

What are some key red flags in a dating relationship?

Are you hurrying up the physical intimacy? It's an easy substitute for real relational maturity, and it will blow up in your face. Proverbs 5 and 7.

Do you lack friendships with guys? Having a set of guy friends is important for your own growth. Think about what happens after marriage - the number friends of the opposite sex drops to exactly one, and the rest is guys.

Are you doing better in school, more engaged at church, reading more, learning more, etc.? Or is your dating relationship all-consuming?

What role do parents play in a dating relationship?

They are a source of wisdom and perspective that comes from their experience and maturity. Go ask them questions about their own experience. Get them talking, then listen carefully. Also, consider that your wife will likely treat you the way she acts towards her dad today.

Is it still premarital sex if it's not sexual intercourse?

Well, what is it then? As President Bill Clinton said, "It depends on what the definition of what is is." Here's a simple rule of thumb for a high school student: Would you do it if your mom was in the room? 1 Timothy 5:2.

How should I deal with conflicts with other friends as a result of a relationship?

It could be that your friends are trying to point something out. Go talk with them and listen seriously. If you have to choose between a girlfriend and a set of guy friends, go with the guys. You still have a lot of learn and they will be of more help to you at this point.

What is your opinion of high school dating?

Go on group dates with friends in the youth group, but avoid pairing up or trying "get a girlfriend." Instead, make it your goal to get to know lots of people and build quality friendships. Imagine the girlfriend you want to have: what kind of guy would she be interested in? Work on becoming that kind of guy.

If you are aching for a girlfriend, it's usually a sign of insecurity and immaturity. Instead, grow in Christ and learn how to relate to lots of people.

What should I do in a relationship that has gone too far sexually?

You need to break it off, and do it right away. Also, you likely won't be able to, so go ask for some help.

If you were older and ready to be married, then there are other options like pick a wedding date in the near future and remaining abstinent until then, but that's not an option for you. Remember - if you can't be faithful now, why do you think you can be faithful later? Ditto for your girlfriend.

What if I want to be married but don't want children?

That's a normal thought when you're in high school. God created men and women to be attracted to each other and the natural result of that is children. You didn't plan it and you don't need to plan around it. Just relax.

The Genesis 1 creation mandate "be fruitful and multiply" still applies today. It's how God created the world. The Sexual Revolution is trying to re-make it, but it's doomed to fail. The trend towards delaying kids and having fewer kids is going to have devastating results in the modern world. Do you want anyone around who cares about you when you're 80?

Letter to Edvard on his graduation

Dear Edvard,

Mom and I are excited to see you graduate from high school and head to college. We think you're ready and we're very proud of you. We remember the day you were born, kicking and crying and ready to take on the world. You were and are a beautiful son.

Psalm 127 says that children are a reward to parents, like arrows in the hand of a warrior. And an arrow is something you point in the right direction, then let it fly. So here are some things we'd like to say to you as we release the bow string.

In the 18 years you've been in our house, we've observed what kind of person you are. You're a fun-loving person. You make friends easily and know how to have a good time.

You're a diligent worker. After getting through the normal amount of procrastination, you can buckle down and get the work done, at school, at work, or wherever it's needed. And you do this with very little complaining.

You've been given a sharp mind. You're able to understand new things quickly and aren't scared of the abstract or the mathematical. You're an adventurous person, traveling to Bemidji to study Russian, learning to play golf when no one in your family knew a thing about it, and picking up the bass guitar and just figuring it out.

Finally, mom and I know that you're a trustworthy person. We've asked you to take on responsibilities at home, even when we're on the other side of the country, and you make it all happen.

All of these qualities are blessings that God has given you, and they will be assets as you move on to your next stage of life.

We also wanted to give you a few words from the Bible's wisdom literature for the road ahead.

First, Proverbs 13:20 says "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." We all end up imitating the people we're around, and at Grove City College you have a great opportunity to choose who you're going to hang out with. Be a friendly person, try lots of things, make lots of new friends, but also be discerning about who you become close with. Look for people who love the Lord, who pursue wisdom, and they will help you become a wise person yourself.

Second, Proverbs 12:24 days, "The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor." If you learn to work hard at your studies, whether it's Computer Science or another discipline that captures your interest, it opens up a world of possibilities. The world is hungry for capable, diligent people and they get to lead the way. But if you take it easy, just hanging out, what the Bible calls "sloth", you end up getting forced into dead-end situations. Now is the time to grow your capacity.

And finally, Ecclesiastes 12:1 says "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth." Your mom and I have shown you what it means to follow Christ. You know how God's Word is guidance for us and God's people are an encouragement to us. But now it remains for you to choose to continue in your faith and grow into a mature man of God. You have a lot of things before you, but you will do well to remember where you've come from.

We love you very much, Eddie, and we are praying for God's blessing and guidance in your life. We are so grateful that God gave you to us as our son.

Love, Mom and Dad

John Adams by David McCullough

John Adams was a leading advocate and signer of the Declaration of Independence, the author of the Massachusetts Constitution which is the world's oldest functioning written constitution, the first Vice President of the United States and the second President of the United States. I had McCullough's biography on my "to read" list for a long time, but a couple trips to Boston this spring convinced me that now was the time. Here are a few highlights for me.

Adams was a reader. He loved literature and learning, not politics and business. His Harvard education got him started, but it was the life-long practice of reading great literature that brought the depth and delight. And he read in Greek, Latin and French, putting us all to shame.

Adams was hard working and principled. His effort and integrity in his law practice prepared him to serve at the first and second Continental Congresses, then as an emissary to France, Holland and England during the Revolutionary War. His love of farming, combined with copious letter writing, allowed him to remain productive and content for decades after his political career was over.

Adams was immensely blessed by his wife Abigail. She was his secret weapon of wisdom, of sanity, of frugality, of humanity. How he ever lived apart from her for multiple years while in Europe is a mystery to me, but his heart was always drawn to her. She was a Proverbs 31 woman and he reaped the benefit.

Adams was feisty yet forgiving. He clashed with Benjamin Franklin in Paris and Thomas Jefferson back in the States, but rose above the animosity to get essential work done. His reconciliation with Jefferson in their later years is a beautiful story of two very different men treasuring their unique partnership in the founding of our country.

Adams was a Christian man. His faith in God helped him see the evils of slavery, the sure foundation of the rights of man, and the foolishness of the secular French mob. The Word of God, especially the Psalms, gave him delight as his body declined.

Adams was a true patriot. He avoided the bitter politics that broke out quickly after our nation's founding and has continued unabated to this day. He may have been a bit naïve, but he was not selfish. He loved his country and the principles of liberty that been birthed in his lifetime.

The biography of John Adams makes me proud to be an American.

Personal Transformation in Narnia

The Chronicles of Narnia are stories of adventure, danger, evil witches and the good Lion. Yet in each volume, there are sub-plots with lesser characters being transformed from selfishness to newfound virtue. Here is a collection of one from each book.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Edmund is cruel to his sister Lucy and selfishly aligns himself with the White Witch. In chapter 11, Aslan has come to Narnia and the Witch's magic is losing its hold. Eternal winter is giving way to spring. She sees a party of talking animals enjoying a meal given by Father Christmas and in anger she threatens to turn them to stone. Edmund protests, but the Witch does it anyway. "And Edmund for the first time in this story felt sorry for someone besides himself." Later, in chapter 17, Edmund is the hero of the battle, having the foresight to attack the Witch's wand and not the Witch herself.

Prince Caspian

In chapter 5 Caspian first meets the talking animals and creatures of old Narnia. Trufflehunter the badger affirms his belief in the ancient tales of the High King Peter, his reign at Cair Paravel, and the lion Aslan. Trumpkin the dwarf responds, "But who believes in Aslan nowadays?" When Aslan appears in chapter 11, he pounces on Trumpkin. "The Lion gave him one shake and all his armor rattled like a tinker's pack and then - hey-presto - the Dwarf flew up in the air. He was as safe as if he had been in bed, though he did not feel so." After offering that proof, Aslan asks, "Son of Earth, shall we be friends?". In chapter 12, when Peter, Edmund and Trumpkin rush in to help Caspian defeat Nikabrik, the hag and the werewolf, it is Trumpkin who makes the introduction to Caspian, "It's the High King, the High King Peter."

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

As the ship sails away from Narnia, Eustace Scrubb is the spoiled brat of the crew. Landing on an unknown island in chapter 5, he selfishly leaves the crew on his own adventure, gets lost and discovers a dying dragon and his treasure. What seemed like a gain turns into a horrible transformation. "He had turned into a dragon while he was asleep. Sleeping on a dragon's hoard with greedy, dragonish thoughts in his heart, he had become a dragon himself." Now miserable and alone, Eustace makes his way back to the ship in dragon form. In chapter 7, after they recognize that the dragon is Eustace, a more important observation is made. "It was, however, clear to everyone that Eustace's character had been rather improved by becoming a dragon. He was anxious to help...The pleasure (quite new to him) of being liked and, still more, of liking other people, was what kept Eustace from despair."

The Silver Chair

On their journey to the underworld, Puddleglum the marshwiggle always sees the worst side of things. He is captive to an absurd pessimism. However, when confronting the witch who has enchanted Prince Rilian in chapter 12, Puddleglum is the only one who's mind is able to withstand her magic because of the pain of his burnt hand. "The pain itself made Puddleglum's head for a moment perfectly clear and he knew exactly what he really thought...'Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones...That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world.'"

The Horse and His Boy

Shasta and Aravis flee Calormen on their horses, Bree and Hwin, with an urgent message for King Lune of Archenland. In chapter 10, on the last leg of their journey, they are chased by a lion who mauls Aravis's back. Not knowing it is Aslan hastening them on, Shasta turns back to rescue Aravis. This act awakens Aravis to see her mistaken disregard for him. "Shasta was marvelous. I'm just as bad as you, Bree. I've been snubbing him and looking down on him ever since you met us and now he turns out to be the best of us all." At the end of the story, when Shasta's true identity is revealed, Aravis says, "I'm sorry I've been such a pig. But I did change before I knew you were a Prince, honestly I did: when you went back, and faced the Lion."

The Magician's Nephew

In chapter 4, Digory and Polly journey to a new world and discover a room of statues. In the center of the room is hammer and bell with a warning that striking it would bring danger. Polly wants to leave it alone, but Digory selfishly invites the danger and strikes it. This awakens the evil witch Jadis who will someday enslave Narnia. After being reproved by Aslan, in chapter 13 Digory is confronted by the same witch who tempts him to disobey Aslan and take the life-giving apple back to his mother. He is almost enticed, but the witch also suggests that he should abandon Polly "and the meanness of the suggestion that he should leave Polly suddenly made all the other things the Witch had been saying to him sound false and hollow. And even in the midst of all his misery, his head suddenly cleared."

The Last Battle

The final book in the series is all transformation. All Narnia is transformed, along with the Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Eustace, Jill, Digory and Polly (excepting Susan), Tirian the last king of Narnia, Emeth the Calormene, and all the characters we love back to Tumnus the faun. However, Lewis singles out Puzzle the donkey for a special encounter with Aslan. In Chapter 1 Puzzle is weak and gullible, led astray by Shift the ape. After everyone goes through the door to the real Narnia, in chapter 15 Puzzle is the last to make his appearance. "He was himself now: a beautiful donkey", yet ashamed for having dressed up in the lion-skin. He worries "But what I'll do if I really have to meet Aslan, I'm sure I don't know." On the final page of the book, when Aslan makes his appearance, the first person he calls is Puzzle. We aren't told what is said, and Puzzle's first response is shame but then "the ears perked up again." Whatever was said, Aslan welcomes him with grace and encouragement as everyone enters the new and eternal Narnia they were always hoping for.