Biking with kids

I have four children, ages 14, 11, 10 and 7. We love to go biking together. Today we took an 11.5 mile trip from our home in San Clemente, along the coast of the Pacific Ocean, up to San Juan Capistrano, at the confluence of the San Juan and Trabuco Creeks. We ate at Ruby's in their roof-top dining area, then made our way home, with a brief stop at Creekside Park for some rock wall climbing and lying in the sun. Four splendid hours together.

Here are a few thoughts at the close of the day:

Buy the bikes

You have to spend the money to have a garage full of bikes. We've had bikes stolen - buy a new one. We've had wheels bent - get it fixed. We've had hand brakes that little hands couldn't quite squeeze - get a bike with coaster brakes that can be used. I've not spent a fortune, but I've kept the fleet on wheels.

It's easy to spend a ton of money on the things of life, things that you want, or wanted, but which don't mean so much in a short time. But what are those things that really give you a little slice of lasting satisfaction? Don't miss them.

Explore a little further

Each time we go, it's a small-scale adventure. We don't load up bike racks and drive to ideal bike routes . We just begin each trip in our driveway. Yet from that humble starting point, the world opens up.

From my perspective, I see new views of our community because I'm taking new routes. I'm going slow enough to see and think. From my kids' perspective, it must be that and more. When someone drives you to a destination, it's possible to go there 100 times but not know how to get there yourself. It's only when you are at the wheel, making the decisions at each turn in the road, that you gain the knowledge for yourself. Only then are you paying attention.

On each trip my kids gain confidence as they learn to move along in the world. They come back brimming with ideas about all the places we can go next. The day is coming when they will be grown and leave my house, but it will be something not unlike "just the next bike trip."

Soak in the sunshine

We live in a beautiful world, but it's so easy to miss it. The sky was a brilliant blue today and we saw it. The ocean breeze was cool and steady and we felt it. The sun was hot, especially when the breeze let up, and we soaked it in. San Juan was bustling with people and we were part of them.

But isn't the bit of sunshine that can be most easily missed my children themselves? Each one is a ray of light, direct from God, sent to me without my deserving. And on top of that, he's also given me the grace to realize this and be thankful.

The Sun Also Rises, Hemingway

In The Sun Also Rises Hemingway shows us the beauty of trout streams in the mountains of Spain, the pleasure of wine at a cafe in the afternoon, the intensity of the running of the bulls, the craft and pride of the bullfighter. It's a retelling of his own exotic life experiences and passions.

But strung through this setting are the tangled relationships of Jake Barnes, Robert Cohn, Lady Brett and Mike. Living off money wired from America, no commitments, just trying to live life to the max. Someone loves a woman, but so does someone else, but she loves another, at least for now, until she finds someone more exciting.

What a mess. What a heap of discontented, envying, backstabbing, drunken, brawling wretchedness. Is this the best we can do? If all we have is life under the sun, maybe so.

It certainly rings true. We are all trying to find happiness in life. Most of the time we can see but can't enjoy the happiness that's right in front of us. We claw after what's nearby but can never be ours. We don't have the ability to stop and be content.

We find the flaw in others. That jerk that doesn't keep to himself. The late train that messes up our schedule. The money that wasn't sent fast enough.

Or we find the flaw in the nature of the universe. Life is cruel and purposeless. Sickness and injury strike us down in the prime of life. Religious impulses earn our respect, but we can't personally get into them. We are somehow above it all, critiquing everyone and everything.

What if this is meant to tell us something? The beauty that we can't enjoy. The relationship we crave but always ends up hurting us. The purpose we long for but can't be convinced of.

Either it's all vanity or we have fallen from some higher place. And isn't the reasoned conclusion that it's vanity self-refuting? There is a grace in Hemingway's writing, a man who ended his life in suicide, which is an evidence that there must be a reason for it all.

How to write a paper

Here's a little advice for my kids on how to write a school paper:

1. Know your content

Read your book. Twice if needed. Take notes along the way. What are your thoughts? Write them down or they will be lost. If you learn to love a book, you will be motivated to write about what you love.

2. Pick a thesis

What is this paper going to be about? Say it concisely. If you have a choice, pick something interesting to you.

3. Write an outline

Write the skeleton of your paper before trying to write the paper itself. This is your tool to prevent writer's block and to help sort out your argument. Don't use complete sentences, but make complete thoughts. Include all of the supporting facts you need - quotes, stats, stories. Create as many points and subpoints that you need to get your thoughts out.

4. Write a first draft

Once the outline is done, you just need to write the darn thing. If you find yourself blocked, turn away from the computer, say what you think out loud, then turn back and write something down. If that still doesn't work, put a "..." in your paper and jump to the next section. Don't get blocked! Just write it.

After writing a thought, you often need to expand on it. Look at what you've written and ask questions about the key words. What do they mean? Why did you say them? Explain yourself. Use words like "because" or "for example".

5. Do your first edit

Simplify your words. We generally use more words when speaking than when writing. If you can say something simply, directly, it will have more impact. Do this before you do too much detailed editing. Many of your mistakes will disappear just by simplifying your words.

Read your words out loud. Do they make sense? Are they smooth?

Look back at your outline. Does your writing make the argument? Or does it skip around and wander off in other directions?

6. Ask someone else to edit

Every writer needs a good editor, but don't hand them junk. Edit your own writing first, then get his or her feedback. Listen to what your editor says. Eventually you should take the advice when writing the first draft of your next paper.

7. Final read

Once you've done all of this, you have a paper. Print it out. Read it on printed paper with a red pencil. You will see things there that you didn't see on the computer screen.

Check your formatting, title, name, and date.

Then post it! You are done. You are a writer.

Tectonic Creep

Every day I hustle into the office, or off to violin lessons, or over to the grocery store. In the rush of life, I take for granted the most basic building blocks of that life - there is air to breathe, my heart keeps beating, the ground is stable.

There is a veil over the inner workings of life. Sometimes the veil is pulled away on me, when sickness strikes or when a family member dies. I have to look reality in the face. But other times I can choose to pull away the veil. I can take a few minutes to read a book and consider what life is about. I can spend an evening talking with my wife or a friend about deep personal issues.

One favorite way I pull back the veil is by reading about geology. Can we even imagine that the ground underneath is slowly moving, constantly pushing, mountains lifting, the ground cracking, bending, grinding, melting, hardening...and all of that imperceptibly slow change has shaped the hills and valleys I travel each day into the office, off to violin lessons, or over to the grocery store. I enjoy the beauty of the nearby Santa Ana mountains every day, but I enjoy them just a little bit more by considering the steady creep of tectonic forces over ages of time that put them there.

So I'm starting a blog to record my thoughts during those moments. They are sweet moments, but they are just moments. Then I have to get back at the daily grind of life.

Letter to my twelve year old son

My Son,

Dating

Dating can be a scary thing, but it can be a great thing. The ultimate purpose of dating is to find a spouse. As a Christian man, you should desire to marry a woman who also loves the Lord and one who is a good companion in life. A good marriage is a great blessing from God.

But you can’t just jump into marriage. You need to take some steps. Dating is one of those steps. In fact, there are steps you can take before you even ask your first girl out on a date. Each one of these steps can be practiced right now.

Be a gentleman

A gentleman is a man with good character, both in private and in public. He knows how to act and speak around other people. He is a person of strong conviction and ability. He uses his strength to serve those around him.

He takes special care to show proper respect to ladies. He realizes that a friendship with a girl is different from a friendship with a guy. A gentleman doesn’t pal around with girls like he does with a guy. Would your father hang out with another woman who isn’t his wife? God didn’t create men and women to interact that way. Treat all women with respect.

The opposite of a gentleman is a jerk. A jerk is rude and selfish. He does what he wants without regard for anyone else. Secretly, he wants people to think he’s cool, but it backfires. Everyone knows he’s just a jerk.

Learn to talk with ladies

You need to learn how to talk with ladies by practicing. Learn how to introduce yourself, ask a girl about what she likes to do, find something in common and enjoy getting to know her. You will need to work on both speaking and listening.

Many teenage boys discover that they like girls, but because they feel embarrassed, they act out by teasing girls. You don’t need to do that. Grow up! Be a man! Most boys struggle with this, so if you can do it, you will stand out in the crowd.

Don’t restrict yourself to only talking with the girls you think are cute. A gentleman is a gentleman to all ladies. This is called impartiality, and it is what Christ was like. As a side benefit, if you practice impartiality, you stand a better chance of impressing the one that catches your fancy.

Sexual temptation

Stay away from sexual temptation, especially pornography. It is a disease that will eat into your heart. Every time you play with it, you reduce your chances that you can ever escape. If you are trapped, seek the help of a friend.

Be aware that not all women act like ladies. Watch out for teases and flirts. They play with you, but don’t care about you at all. Some may not realize the power they have over men, but some do and they work it to their advantage. In any case, your best protection is to be a leader and not a follower. Be a man! Do what you know is right. Flee from temptation.

Wait for sex

God created sex to be enjoyed in marriage. The world wants the pleasures of sex without the commitment of marriage. Our TV and movies and music are filled with this worldly lust.

There are two chief dangers for sex outside of marriage. First, sex outside of marriage is disobedient to God. There will be a day of judgment for you and me and every evil deed and thought will be exposed. Don’t fool yourself that you will escape.

Second, sex outside of marriage leads to death. If you have sex with a woman, she will get pregnant. There is no 100% effective birth control. When she becomes pregnant, you have now created life and you are responsible. The only way the world can keep having its sex outside of marriage is to have abortion – killing unwanted babies. This has always been true in all cultures. So, sex outside of marriage leads to murder. If your girlfriend becomes pregnant, she has sole legal right to abort that baby. You have no say. Yet you are still the father and the blood of your child will be on your hands.

I’ve intentionally made this section scary, because it should be. You will need to answer to God someday on your own, but I want to guide you while you are in my house. Remember that God created sex and it is good – but you need to wait for marriage. You will be much happier if you do.

When to date

There is no rush to start asking girls out on dates. You need a car and some money anyways. If you don’t have either, you won’t be very impressive. For now, you can practice being a gentleman by treating girls with respect.

Enjoy Marriage

You should desire to get married. Don’t put it off until you have the perfect job or a lot of money. After you become an adult, find a good Christian woman and marry her. Enjoy her. She will make you immensely happy. Until that day, be a gentleman, learn to talk with ladies and avoid sexual immorality.

With love,

Your Dad

Materialism and Christmas

Good morning and Merry Christmas!

While thinking about the meaning of Christmas, I’m reminded of one of the great lies of our modern age, which is materialism. Not the materialism that chases after clothes and cars and iPods, but the much more deadly belief called scientific and philosophical materialism. It’s a belief that says that matter is all that exists. Some of the brightest minds of our age believe we are only a collection of atoms working according to the laws of physics. Any feelings we have about morality, or personhood, or ultimate meaning and purpose are just a type of wishful thinking that is the useful result of Darwinian evolution. In the end, we come from nowhere and we are going nowhere. We are alone in an impersonal universe that just is. And, on top of that, in our pride we think we’re so smart to have figured all this out. This is the lost and hopeless view of the modern world we live in.

But the message of Christmas is that the God who made the universe, who authored the laws of physics, the God who designed a world bursting with life and beauty, who made clothes and cars and iPods even possible…this God has not left us alone in our ignorance and sin. God has come. He revealed himself in Bethlehem. Even though our pride deserves his wrath and rejection, God answers our pride by sending his own Son, humbly taking on a lowly human nature to be our Savior.

Read with me these passages from God’s Word:

"[Christ] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him." (Col 1:15-16)

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14)

           

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. " (John 3:16)

This Christmas morning let’s worship the God who is real, the God who has come, the God who loves us and has reconciled us to himself through his Son Jesus Christ, born on Christmas day. This is the meaning of the angels’ announcement:

Hark! the herald angels sing, “Glory to the newborn King; Peace on earth, and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!”

Christmas Morning, 2011, Christ Community Church

Training Up Children in the Lord

How should a father train up his children in the Lord? I’m only six years into parenting my four children and I see how different each child and each family is. There’s no guaranteed method or magic formula. As Christians, we know that God’s revealed will is found in the Bible alone, so regardless of the practical advice we find most agreeable, we should always end up opening the Word. Here are a few verses that have taught me how to train up my children in the Lord.

“You shall teach [the words of the Law] diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” (Deut 6:7)

Family life should be filled with God’s Word, and it is the responsibility of parents to make the household a place where Christ is honored. Faith in God and His Word is always alive and active, finding relevance in every area of life. Faith can be seen in our conversation at the dinner table, during family story time, doing chores around the house or helping neighbors in need. Our children quickly learn what we find to be most important in life and are likely to value the same. This gives us an incredible opportunity to treasure Christ above all things and teach them to love Him as well.

“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Eph 6:4)

Fathers are responsible before God for training up their children and can have a great impact for good or ill. When we check our children into Sunday school, send them to day school, or ask our wives to homeschoool, we are delegating a portion of this task to others whom we believe to be qualified. However, fathers still bear the ultimate responsibility to teach and train their children.

In order to do this, we fathers must be students of the Word and growing in the Lord. A father is the family’s resident pastor and theologian and so we should do everything within our God-given abilities to teach our children God’s truth.

It’s commonly thought that a theologian is an expert on complicated and trivial doctrines, which implies that the fundamentals are simple and obvious. It’s quite the opposite. The main job of a theologian is to make sure that the most fundamental points of the faith are clear, and not obscured by error and unbelief. Children must be taught the Law of God, the imminent reality of judgment, the love and grace of God found in the cross, the necessity of faith in Christ alone, and the distinction between living in the Spirit and living in the flesh. Every father needs to work diligently to make sure basic truths like these are clearly understood in his household.

“So it was, when the days of feasting had run their course, that Job would send and sanctify [his children], and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, ‘It may be that my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.’ Thus Job did regularly.”

Job was as a priest for his family because he interceded on behalf of his children to the Lord. We see the same example with David praying for his children. We too should pray earnestly that God would be gracious to our children and that they would grow up to be pleasing to the Lord.

I’ve approached this as a father writing to fathers. But mothers or grandparents may find themselves alone in the task of teaching their children about Christ. God Himself has promised to be a Father to the fatherless (Ps 68:5). I believe this means that your children will have special grace as you train them in the Lord.

How is a father supposed to do all this? There’s no sure-fire method to follow, but it’s clear that we need to cry out to the Lord for help, read His Word, ask Him to teach us, and find good models we can learn from. Most importantly, our children need to see our own faith in Christ and be encouraged to believe as well.

Written 2004, Christ Community Church's Pursuit Magazine