Biking with kids

I have four children, ages 14, 11, 10 and 7. We love to go biking together. Today we took an 11.5 mile trip from our home in San Clemente, along the coast of the Pacific Ocean, up to San Juan Capistrano, at the confluence of the San Juan and Trabuco Creeks. We ate at Ruby's in their roof-top dining area, then made our way home, with a brief stop at Creekside Park for some rock wall climbing and lying in the sun. Four splendid hours together.

Here are a few thoughts at the close of the day:

Buy the bikes

You have to spend the money to have a garage full of bikes. We've had bikes stolen - buy a new one. We've had wheels bent - get it fixed. We've had hand brakes that little hands couldn't quite squeeze - get a bike with coaster brakes that can be used. I've not spent a fortune, but I've kept the fleet on wheels.

It's easy to spend a ton of money on the things of life, things that you want, or wanted, but which don't mean so much in a short time. But what are those things that really give you a little slice of lasting satisfaction? Don't miss them.

Explore a little further

Each time we go, it's a small-scale adventure. We don't load up bike racks and drive to ideal bike routes . We just begin each trip in our driveway. Yet from that humble starting point, the world opens up.

From my perspective, I see new views of our community because I'm taking new routes. I'm going slow enough to see and think. From my kids' perspective, it must be that and more. When someone drives you to a destination, it's possible to go there 100 times but not know how to get there yourself. It's only when you are at the wheel, making the decisions at each turn in the road, that you gain the knowledge for yourself. Only then are you paying attention.

On each trip my kids gain confidence as they learn to move along in the world. They come back brimming with ideas about all the places we can go next. The day is coming when they will be grown and leave my house, but it will be something not unlike "just the next bike trip."

Soak in the sunshine

We live in a beautiful world, but it's so easy to miss it. The sky was a brilliant blue today and we saw it. The ocean breeze was cool and steady and we felt it. The sun was hot, especially when the breeze let up, and we soaked it in. San Juan was bustling with people and we were part of them.

But isn't the bit of sunshine that can be most easily missed my children themselves? Each one is a ray of light, direct from God, sent to me without my deserving. And on top of that, he's also given me the grace to realize this and be thankful.

How to write a paper

Here's a little advice for my kids on how to write a school paper:

1. Know your content

Read your book. Twice if needed. Take notes along the way. What are your thoughts? Write them down or they will be lost. If you learn to love a book, you will be motivated to write about what you love.

2. Pick a thesis

What is this paper going to be about? Say it concisely. If you have a choice, pick something interesting to you.

3. Write an outline

Write the skeleton of your paper before trying to write the paper itself. This is your tool to prevent writer's block and to help sort out your argument. Don't use complete sentences, but make complete thoughts. Include all of the supporting facts you need - quotes, stats, stories. Create as many points and subpoints that you need to get your thoughts out.

4. Write a first draft

Once the outline is done, you just need to write the darn thing. If you find yourself blocked, turn away from the computer, say what you think out loud, then turn back and write something down. If that still doesn't work, put a "..." in your paper and jump to the next section. Don't get blocked! Just write it.

After writing a thought, you often need to expand on it. Look at what you've written and ask questions about the key words. What do they mean? Why did you say them? Explain yourself. Use words like "because" or "for example".

5. Do your first edit

Simplify your words. We generally use more words when speaking than when writing. If you can say something simply, directly, it will have more impact. Do this before you do too much detailed editing. Many of your mistakes will disappear just by simplifying your words.

Read your words out loud. Do they make sense? Are they smooth?

Look back at your outline. Does your writing make the argument? Or does it skip around and wander off in other directions?

6. Ask someone else to edit

Every writer needs a good editor, but don't hand them junk. Edit your own writing first, then get his or her feedback. Listen to what your editor says. Eventually you should take the advice when writing the first draft of your next paper.

7. Final read

Once you've done all of this, you have a paper. Print it out. Read it on printed paper with a red pencil. You will see things there that you didn't see on the computer screen.

Check your formatting, title, name, and date.

Then post it! You are done. You are a writer.

Letter to my twelve year old son

My Son,

Dating

Dating can be a scary thing, but it can be a great thing. The ultimate purpose of dating is to find a spouse. As a Christian man, you should desire to marry a woman who also loves the Lord and one who is a good companion in life. A good marriage is a great blessing from God.

But you can’t just jump into marriage. You need to take some steps. Dating is one of those steps. In fact, there are steps you can take before you even ask your first girl out on a date. Each one of these steps can be practiced right now.

Be a gentleman

A gentleman is a man with good character, both in private and in public. He knows how to act and speak around other people. He is a person of strong conviction and ability. He uses his strength to serve those around him.

He takes special care to show proper respect to ladies. He realizes that a friendship with a girl is different from a friendship with a guy. A gentleman doesn’t pal around with girls like he does with a guy. Would your father hang out with another woman who isn’t his wife? God didn’t create men and women to interact that way. Treat all women with respect.

The opposite of a gentleman is a jerk. A jerk is rude and selfish. He does what he wants without regard for anyone else. Secretly, he wants people to think he’s cool, but it backfires. Everyone knows he’s just a jerk.

Learn to talk with ladies

You need to learn how to talk with ladies by practicing. Learn how to introduce yourself, ask a girl about what she likes to do, find something in common and enjoy getting to know her. You will need to work on both speaking and listening.

Many teenage boys discover that they like girls, but because they feel embarrassed, they act out by teasing girls. You don’t need to do that. Grow up! Be a man! Most boys struggle with this, so if you can do it, you will stand out in the crowd.

Don’t restrict yourself to only talking with the girls you think are cute. A gentleman is a gentleman to all ladies. This is called impartiality, and it is what Christ was like. As a side benefit, if you practice impartiality, you stand a better chance of impressing the one that catches your fancy.

Sexual temptation

Stay away from sexual temptation, especially pornography. It is a disease that will eat into your heart. Every time you play with it, you reduce your chances that you can ever escape. If you are trapped, seek the help of a friend.

Be aware that not all women act like ladies. Watch out for teases and flirts. They play with you, but don’t care about you at all. Some may not realize the power they have over men, but some do and they work it to their advantage. In any case, your best protection is to be a leader and not a follower. Be a man! Do what you know is right. Flee from temptation.

Wait for sex

God created sex to be enjoyed in marriage. The world wants the pleasures of sex without the commitment of marriage. Our TV and movies and music are filled with this worldly lust.

There are two chief dangers for sex outside of marriage. First, sex outside of marriage is disobedient to God. There will be a day of judgment for you and me and every evil deed and thought will be exposed. Don’t fool yourself that you will escape.

Second, sex outside of marriage leads to death. If you have sex with a woman, she will get pregnant. There is no 100% effective birth control. When she becomes pregnant, you have now created life and you are responsible. The only way the world can keep having its sex outside of marriage is to have abortion – killing unwanted babies. This has always been true in all cultures. So, sex outside of marriage leads to murder. If your girlfriend becomes pregnant, she has sole legal right to abort that baby. You have no say. Yet you are still the father and the blood of your child will be on your hands.

I’ve intentionally made this section scary, because it should be. You will need to answer to God someday on your own, but I want to guide you while you are in my house. Remember that God created sex and it is good – but you need to wait for marriage. You will be much happier if you do.

When to date

There is no rush to start asking girls out on dates. You need a car and some money anyways. If you don’t have either, you won’t be very impressive. For now, you can practice being a gentleman by treating girls with respect.

Enjoy Marriage

You should desire to get married. Don’t put it off until you have the perfect job or a lot of money. After you become an adult, find a good Christian woman and marry her. Enjoy her. She will make you immensely happy. Until that day, be a gentleman, learn to talk with ladies and avoid sexual immorality.

With love,

Your Dad